Palm Beach, FL
Sometime this week…
DONALD JOHN TRUMP: Hello you beautiful people! My employees. You are Great Americans…
Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski begins to lean towards Trump to whisper something in his ear…but decides against it and instead smiles with closed lips and steps back
DONALD JOHN TRUMP: As you know, America is losing. Lots of Americans are losers now, but when I win, they will win…believe me. I have lots of people tell me how amazed at how much winning they are seeing me do. They are amazed, I can tell you. And that is because I am a winner. And I want all of you people to share with me, in my winning. So…raise your right hand and pledge to vote for me in the upcoming Florida primary….vote between now and March 12th, because I know that less people vote for me on election days. It’s a thing. I don’t know. Maybe the Establishment drives people in buses to the polls. Maybe my voters are just smarter than other voters and don’t feel like being bothered on actual election days. Who knows? All I know is that I win and I win early. With early votes. So pledge now to go out and…
Lewandowski, who has been nervously fidgeting finally can’t help it anymore and grabs Trump’s arm and takes him aside– just as he recently did to Breitbart reporter, Michelle Fields.
COREY LEWANDOWSKI: Mr. Trump, sir. Sorry about the man-handling…it is just one of my things, I guess. Thug Life.
DONALD JOHN TRUMP: Word.
COREY LEWANDOWSKI: Anyway… these people can’t vote.
DONALD JOHN TRUMP: What are you talking about?
COREY LEWANDOWSKI: Remember, you only hire foreign workers on work visas to staff this resort.
DONALD JOHN TRUMP: So? They are doing the jobs American’s aren’t willing to do.
COREY LEWANDOWSKI: They aren’t American citizens.
DONALD JOHN TRUMP: Do you have a point?
COREY LEWANDOWSKI: They aren’t allowed to vote in either the primary or the general election, sir.
DONALD JOHN TRUMP: Well, that’s not fair <back into the microphone> People, my people. I’ve just been informed that you aren’t currently, aren’t allowed to vote, currently. Did you know that? Can you believe that? <to Corey> Am I for that or against it?
COREY LEWANDOWSKI: Well, it…ah… it is kind of the law, sir.
DONALD JOHN TRUMP: <back into microphone while addressing Corey> Well, update the website. I’m changing. I’m changing it. <to audience> Did you hear, I won’t stand by any more for this unfairness. I’m reasonable and quite flexible. I’m changing my website to say that I will fight for you people’s right to vote for me. Did you…did you know…the Establishment wants to keep you from voting. What losers they are. I bet Lyin’ Ted and Little Marco don’t want you to vote. And that other guy too…John Huntsman, Kasich, whatever his name is. You know, I know a lot of John’s and they are all losers. And I, well, I guess I, you know, I am kind of a John myself…it is my middle name. But it is not my first name, so I am not a loser like them. Most of the Johns I know are just like toilets…they really are johns. Or they are like the johns that go to hookers and things like that. I have never, I can promise you, never have I had to go to a hooker. They come to me. I have women begging to pay me for a night and you know. <makes obscene gesture> So I am no, I have never been a john. I guess if they pay me, it makes me a gigolo. But I am an American Gigolo. Wasn’t that a movie or something? Hollywood is full of elites, but I can make deals with them. I can. Believe me. But, women they do. They have. Many times. They want to give me money for, I don’t know…can I say, services? That’s probably the only way to put it that won’t get me in trouble with the lame, dying, loser media. But women do. They like me. They want to be with me. And I can tell you, they are never disappointed, if you know what I mean. They think they are getting the better end of the bargain. But, it is all in the Art of the Deal…read my book. You make people think they are getting what they want, when in reality you are the only one getting anything. Anyway… yeah…I bet Lyin’ Marco and Little Ted and John whats-his-name and all the other Establishment losers don’t want you to vote. How unfair. You are hard-working people who deserve to vote for me. So, do that. And let’s make America Great Again!